Shana Haydock

& so i loved another white man

i don't want anything but

the fight underwater    the haloes of layered hair
      the imaginary video footage            the fingers up
against each other            the flying birds in the lamplight
      the diving into my belly button
                                                                no, no.

      the burn    the onslaught
the leaking snot on my face as i kiss you                goodnight dear
goodnight darling.         nothing but fingers deep inside
                   you wrestling your whiteness out
            a sword of a lining       a last shuddering squelch.

How to Get Into a Psych Ward

What if you learned to desecrate yourself at the hands of the state?
He had to pretend he was poisoned by the Queen of England.

We have to be TV antiheroes.

I don't need a gurney or white sheets, I mean, yes I do.
Walk in and sometimes they think you're crazy and sometimes they think you're a silly
girl. You're lucky but...
On some level, there is no difference between an EMT and a police officer.
Here are the squat packs. Air & blood, no, no blood. Never any blood.
I asked an EMT if I was going to die. He barely answered, said he didn't know.

Fifteen with the stockings in the snow. Blue, blue jacket-- discarded in college. There are lights everywhere in this aftermath of not-dying.